


It's Always You

by WhatwouldagentScullydo



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Break Up, Cheating, Divorce, F/F, Love, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-15 09:53:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8051803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatwouldagentScullydo/pseuds/WhatwouldagentScullydo
Summary: This is my take on Addison and Meredith already knowing each other before they met in Seattle Grace Hospital. The entire story takes place between the end of season one and the end of season two. some story lines have been adapted to fit my story and some things have been left out entirely. I'll update with the other chapters every few days.





	1. Once upon a time...

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on Addison and Meredith already knowing each other before they met in Seattle Grace Hospital. The entire story takes place between the end of season one and the end of season two. some story lines have been adapted to fit my story and some things have been left out entirely. I'll update with the other chapters every few days.

‘I think I like this rules thing.’ Addison heard as she walked towards her husband in the hospital lobby. She stopped when she heard that voice, a voice she knew very well. She looked to the woman beside her husband, her face was hidden by her hair but Addison would recognise those dirty blonde curls anywhere. Derek turned and saw Addison. She watched him turn to Meredith and apologise and saw the confusion cross her face but then she looked up to Addison. ‘Oh my god!’ Meredith said as she made her way towards Addison and went straight for a hug, Addison responded and wrapped her arms around her back. ‘Addie, what are you doing here?’ She said as she came back from the hug. Derek was now beside Meredith. ‘You two know each other?’ He asked. Meredith nodded. ‘Yeah, we, she’s, uh we used to date…once upon a time.’ Meredith stuttered a little. ‘Wait you two know each other?’ Meredith said gesturing between them both. Addison sighed. ‘Meredith, Derek’s my husband.’ Meredith’s face dropped. ‘Seriously?’ Meredith asked, anger evident in every syllable. ‘Meredith, I‘m so sorry.’ Derek said as he stepped in front of her. ‘Oh Derek, this isn’t about you, she’s mad at me.’ Addison said as she moved to grab Meredith’s hand and pulled her away from Derek. ‘Can we not do this now? We can talk soon but please…not right now?’ Addison looked at Meredith with sad eyes. Meredith sighed. ‘Fine.’ She muttered. She started to walk away but turned back to Derek. ‘For the record I’m mad at you too…you should have told me you were married but it doesn’t matter now because I’m done…go talk to your wife.’ Meredith walked away from Derek and went straight by Addison and out of the hospital. Leaving both of the Shepherd’s to deal with their own problems.

* * *

 

‘Dr Bailey, can I borrow Grey for a while?’ Addison asked as she came up behind Bailey and the interns. ‘Sure, she’s on your service today anyway.’ Bailey mumbled without looking up from the chart in front of her. Meredith sighed and followed Addison to her office. When the door closed Meredith clicked the lock, she didn’t want anyone interrupting this conversation. ‘So do I get an explanation then?’ She asked as she turned to Addison who was now sat on the edge of her desk. ‘Sure, what should I talk about first?’ Addison replied dryly. Meredith let out an angry sigh. ‘Well maybe you could tell me why when you broke up with me, you said it was because you weren’t ready to settle down, that you didn’t know if you ever would be and then I find out I’m dating your HUSBAND?? Maybe we could start with that.’ Addison moved so that she stood in front of Meredith and grabbed her hand and pulled her over to sit with her on the couch. ‘Because we were young and stupid. You had to go to college and I was just starting Med school so we were going our separate ways and I knew if I had given you any hope then you’d have clung to it. I didn’t want our relationship to fall apart because of the distance…so I ended it and said I wasn’t ready because I thought it would be easier.’ Addison was crying when she finished talking. ‘You thought letting me believe you didn’t love me was a better choice?’ Meredith mumbled. Addison shuffled closer to her on the couch and placed her hand on Meredith’s cheek. ‘God, Mer I did love you. I, uh. I do love you. I always have. Always. I’m sorry for ever making you feel like I didn’t…I just wanted to save us from falling apart.’ Meredith looked up at Addison when she heard those words, she reached up and wiped the tears from Addison’s face and leaned in to kiss her gently. Addison responded to Meredith’s lips instantly and deepened the kiss by parting her lips for Meredith’s tongue. She moved her hands to Meredith’s head and moved her further into the couch so that she was leaning against the armrest, almost laying on her back. After a few minutes of kissing Addison moved away slightly and pulled at Meredith’s shirt, pulling it over her head before reaching for her own, Meredith reached out and stopped her. ‘Wait…don’t do this if you still want Derek, if you’re just gonna get back with him. Please, Addie.’ Meredith said quietly. ‘Derek and I are getting a divorce…his lawyers are preparing the divorce papers as we speak.’ Meredith let out a breath and reached for Addison’s shirt before pulling it off of her. She pulled Addison to her and began to kiss her neck. Addison moaned into Meredith’s shoulder. Meredith moved one of her hands into Addison’s panties and rubbed her clit gently. She smiled into the skin of Addison’s neck as she listened to the other woman moan above her. After a minute or so Meredith removed her hand and pushed Addison’s pants and panties down her legs and let Addison pull her own off before Addison settled between Meredith’s legs again. Addison pressed a kiss to Meredith’s lips and slowly began to trail her kissed lower onto her jawline and neck. When she came down onto Meredith’s breasts, she reached around and unhooked the bra and tossed it aside. Meredith moaned as Addison took a nipple between her teeth and started to suck and nibble lightly. After a few moments she moved to the other one and gave it the same treatment before trailing her kisses down Meredith’s stomach. Meredith groaned when Addison moved past her wetness and trailed her kisses down each of Meredith’s legs and then slowly made her way back up. She stopped at the top of Meredith’s thigh and began to kiss and suck gently. Meredith was squirming beneath her and groaned again. ‘Addie, please.’ She whimpered. Addison let her tongue move up Meredith’s slit and then she began to swirl it around Meredith’s clit, the way she knew Meredith liked. Sure enough Meredith was holding Addison’s head in place and letting out little moans now and then. After a minute Addison slipped a finger into Meredith’s opening and began to move it slowly. Soon she added two more fingers and it wasn’t long after that she felt Meredith clenching around her fingers as she came. Addison continued with her movements until she knew Meredith had had enough and began to kiss her way back up to Meredith’s lips. Meredith moaned into Addison’s mouth and moved quickly to flip their positions, so that she was straddling Addison’s hips. She leaned down and kissed Addison as her hand made it’s way between Addison’s legs. She began to circle her clit with her thumb as she pushed her fingers inside of her. Addison moaned into Meredith’s mouth. Meredith worked quickly, knowing Addison wouldn’t want to wait too long. It was a few minutes later when Addison pulled back from their kissing to moan Meredith’s name. Meredith slowly removed her hand and licked it clean, moaning at the taste. Addison reached up and kissed Meredith’s jaw before pulling the younger woman down to lay on top of her. Addison trailed her fingers through Meredith’s hair. They lay together silently for a few minutes before Meredith mumbled. ‘We should go see patients or something.’ Addison laughed lightly. ‘It can wait, I already checked on them before I found you this morning. Five more minutes.’ Meredith smiled and pressed her lips to Addison’s shoulder. ‘Five more minutes.’ She agreed before snuggling back into Addison’s body.


	2. Pick me, choose me, love me

‘Meredith, I, uh. Please listen to me.’ Addison said as Meredith started to walk away, Addison reached for her hand to pull her back to face her. ‘Please.’ Addison sighed. Meredith turned to her and nodded once. ‘In my office? It’s not something I want to talk about in front of the Seattle Grace gossip trail.’ Meredith didn’t say anything, she just walked towards Addison’s office and sat down on the couch when they got inside. Addison wanted to sit next to her but she didn’t want to upset Meredith any more than she already had so she kept her distance. ‘I have to try…he wants to try Mer. I know I said I wouldn’t do this but you have to understand..I, uh, I promise I’m not trying to hurt you Meredith.’ Meredith scoffed. ‘That’s exactly what you’re doing though…again. And Derek doesn’t wanna try and make your marriage work, he just wants to keep us apart. If he wants to try with you why has he been trying to get me back for the past few months? He doesn’t want you Addie, you’re wasting your time.’ Meredith spat out the words bitterly. ‘Listen, I’m sorry that I’m hurting you but you don’t know Derek, you dated him for what a few weeks? Months? I don’t care…I’ve been married to him for years. He wants to try and I can’t just walk away from that. Marriage is a commitment and yeah, me and Derek we screwed that up but we are trying to fix it now. I hate that this is hurting you, it’s hurting me too because contrary to what you think I love you, I always have, but I love him too so I have to try.’ Meredith stood up from the couch and moved closer to her. ‘So these past few months, you’ve been waiting for Derek to chase you? Using me until he came knocking on your door?’ Meredith asked angrily. ‘You know none of that is true, Meredith. It’s been incredible, I never thought I’d ever see you again and then we’re in a relationship again…it was amazing but.. it doesn’t change the fact that I am still legally married to him and we have to give it one last try.’ Meredith got up and kissed Addison who at first responded to the kiss that was heated from the get go due to the fact that both women were angry but after a few moments she pushed Meredith away from her. ‘No, Mer. We’re done, okay? I’m sorry but I can’t.’ Addison said as tears fell down her cheeks. Meredith nodded and turned away from Addison and went to leave the room but stopped at the door and turned back to her. ‘Please Addie, I know you love him but you love me too and I love you in a really, really big – pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window – unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.’ Meredith had moved closer to Addison as she spoke and was now holding Addison’s hands in her own. Addison gave Meredith a sad smile and let a few tears fall down her face. ‘I love you Meredith, I really do but my choice is already made. I’m choosing Derek, choosing my husband. I’m so sorry.’ Meredith nodded and stepped forward and pulled Addison in for a hug. Addison wrapped her arms around her. When Meredith pulled away she walked to the door and turned. ‘Bye, Addie.’ She whispered, and it really was goodbye.

* * *

 

‘She picked him. Even after I made a ridiculous speech. I was all ‘pick me, choose me, love me.’ It was sort of pathetic really. I don’t beg…I’m not that pathetic but I did that and she still chose him. I really thought she was in this with me, for real this time. These past few months with her, they were amazing but she chose him.’ Meredith said as she sat with Cristina in her living room. They were passing tequila back and forth and discussing their screwed up relationships. ‘You know what we need?’ Cristina asked, raising an eyebrow at Meredith. Meredith smiled and watched as Cristina smiled too. ‘Dance it out.’ They both said and got to their feet. Meredith made her way over to her stereo and played some music before going back to Cristina. They danced wildly to the music for a while and didn’t even notice when Meredith’s room mates came home and stood watching them for a while. It wasn’t until they both dropped their bags and joined them that either of the women saw them. The group continued to dance for most of the night. They stopped occasionally to get more alcohol and to talk about everything that was going on but they always ended up dancing again until they fell asleep on the floor. They’d probably regret that in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment :) I hope you enjoyed it.


	3. No dying.

‘What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?’ Meredith whispered to herself. Her hand was on a bomb. She had no choice it was hand on a bomb or hospital explodes and she chose hand on a bomb. Maybe she did have a choice but she didn’t have time to make it. Hannah’s hand was out and hers was in. It was all split second reactions and stupid decisions and now she didn’t know what to do. Meanwhile the hospital was in chaos, doctors and nurses working as fast as they could trying to do anything to help.

* * *

 

‘Is this the strangest thing to happen in your OR?’ Meredith asked trying not to sound terrified. ‘I'd have to say that it is.’ Dr Burke replied trying equally as hard. He let out a breath. ‘Good, because I'm very competitive.’ Meredith said with a hint of a laugh. ‘All the best surgeons are.’ Burke smiled nervously at Meredith. They fell into silence after that, both just waiting for some answers.

* * *

 

Addison’s day had been long and she was so tired but she kept working because people needed help and there was a girl upstairs with her hand on a bomb. Little did she know that it was Meredith. ‘Did you hear?’ Alex said as he ran into the ER and grabbed a chart. ‘About hand on a bomb girl? Yeah, poor kid.’ Addison mumbled. ‘Hand on a bomb girl is Meredith.’ Addison’s head shot up instantly. ‘What?’ She turned to face Alex. ‘Yeah, the paramedic got scared and ran away so Meredith being Meredith put her hand around the bomb.’ Addison handed Alex her chart as she ran out of the ER, looking for somewhere to be alone for a while. She ran into Derek on her way up the stairs, she was sobbing by this point. Derek grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. ‘Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me.’ He whispered. ‘I can’t.’ Addison sobbed, she couldn’t tell Derek she was crying because of Meredith. ‘It’s Meredith isn’t it?’ Addison nodded against his shoulder. ‘Addie, I know you still care about her so this, it’s okay. Go ahead, freak out if you need too.’ She nodded again. ‘She’s always been crazy and impulsive and done stupid things but I never thought she’d be stupid enough to get herself into a situation that could leave her dead.’ Derek nodded. ‘She’ll be fine…the bomb squad are up there, they’ll get her out.’ Addison smiled and wiped her eyes a little. ‘Yeah, maybe. I’m gonna go sit in my office for a while.’ Derek smiled. ‘Page me if you need anything.’ Addison nodded. ‘I will.’ She kissed his cheek quickly before making her way to her office.

* * *

 

The bomb went off. Meredith was fine, a little shaken but fine. Addison was not fine. She walked into Meredith’s room. Bailey insisted she stayed for observation. ‘Out. Everybody out.’ She said. Everyone looked at Meredith who nodded. When they were all gone Addison sat down beside Meredith’s bed. ‘I hate you. Never do anything like that again. You could have died, Meredith. And I know it’s selfish because I chose Derek but you can’t die. You can’t because it’d kill me. So, no dying, okay?’ Meredith laughed. ‘No dying. Addie, I’m fine. Just some cuts and bruises. I’ll heal. I promise, you don’t have to worry.’ Addison nodded and took Meredith’s hand in both of hers and pressed her mouth to Meredith’s fingers. They didn’t talk for a few minutes and then Meredith spoke. ‘You know I was in that OR with my hand on a bomb, knowing I might die and I couldn’t stop thinking about you? I can’t remember the last time we kissed and it was killing me. I was gonna die and not know that.’ Addison chuckled lightly. ‘It was a rainy Seattle night. You were just about to start a night shift. You had came to the hospital in sweats and your Dartmouth shirt. I found you changing in my office because someone had locked the intern locker room. You heard me come in and just took my hand and pulled me close to you and kissed me. Your hair smelled like lavender and you kissed me in that way that’s not special but that’s so special you know? Gentle and like we’d be doing it for the rest of our lives.’ Meredith was smiling when Addison finished. ‘Lavender, like my conditioner. You remember how my hair smelled?’ Addison nodded. ‘I didn’t initially but when I realised that was our last kiss, I wanted to remember every detail so I relived it in my head until I knew.’ Addison gave Meredith a sad smile. Meredith returned it and sighed. ‘You better go, this is getting pretty emotional and I don’t wanna think about it all right now.’ Addison nodded and stood up, letting Meredith’s hand fall back onto the bed. ‘I’ll see you around.’ She said as she walked out of the door. ‘Yeah, I’ll see you around.’ Meredith sighed and let a few tears fall down her face.


	4. Juju

‘Back so soon, Dr Grey?’ Addison questioned as she found Meredith outside her office. ‘And on your service, apparently, Bailey said you needed an intern?’ Addison smiled and unlocked the door to her office. ‘Of course. Well I’ve got a light load today, only 2 surgeries unless we get any emergencies later. I need help with paperwork…hence asking for an intern. Sorry.’ Meredith nodded.‘It’s fine. Bailey told me to get you to come to the ER. There’s a pregnant lady down in there and they couldn’t get a hold of you through you’re pager.’ Addison reached into her pocket and pulled out her pager. ’Battery.’ She said before leaving her things in her office and grabbing her lab coat.

* * *

 

When they stepped out of the OR Addison smiled at Meredith, they’d just performed a complication free c-section on Addison’s patient. ‘Nice work, Mer. I’m impressed.’ Meredith smiled back. ‘Thanks for letting me do that. I just, wow. That was amazing.’ Meredith was smiling so wide now. Addison laughed. ‘Any time. So uh, take care of post-op and then come find me and we’ll check on my other patients, okay?’ Meredith walked out of the scrub room with Addison. ‘Sure, I’ll catch you later.’ Meredith ran off down the hallway to grab some lunch before going to deal with the patient.

* * *

 

‘Mrs Woods’ blood pressure has shot up, Addie. We can’t operate just now.’ Meredith said as she stepped into Addison’s office. Addison stood up quickly and grabbed the chart. ‘God, she needs the surgery, Mer. But if we give her the drugs to lower her BP it could compromise the fetus even more than the surgery could help.’ Meredith nodded and placed her hand on Addison’s arm. ‘It’s your call, Addie. You are the surgeon here. If you think it’s too risky then we wait it out for a while.’ Addison smiled. ‘Okay, we wait it out. It’s too much pressure on the baby and she can’t handle it so we wait.’

* * *

 

The patient was in cardiac arrest, the baby had been delivered prematurely and now they were doing everything they could to save this woman’s life, but nothing was working. They called in Burke and he’d done just about everything imaginable and nothing helped. She was dead. They called time of death at 16.36. Addison felt low after that. ‘This day sucks.’ Addison mumbled as she walked into her office after the surgery. ‘There’s a baby who’s alive because of you. This day does not suck.’ Meredith said insistently. ‘Yeah but I should have done more. Been better.’ Addison sighed as tears started to fall. Meredith stood directly in front of Addison. ‘You did everything you could. You did great, Addie.’ Meredith pulled Addison in for a hug and placed a kiss to her hair in an attempt to soothe Addison. ‘Hey, I’ll be back in a few minutes.’ Meredith whispered as she pulled out of the hug.

Meredith came back to Addison’s office and placed a cup of hot chocolate down in front of her. ‘What’s this?’ Addison asked looking up at Meredith over the rim of her glasses. ‘Juju.’ Meredith smiled enthusiastically. ’You remember juju?’ Addison asked smiling. Meredith laughed. ‘Of course I remember juju, now drink.’ Addison smiled and took a sip of the drink. ‘Thanks. I’m feeling a little better now.’ Meredith smiled and sat down on one of the chairs on the other side of the desk. Meredith chuckled lightly. ‘What?’ Addison asked. Meredith smiled at her. ‘Do you remember the first time you brought me juju?’ Addison shook her head. ‘No. Why?’ Meredith laughed again. ‘I’d just had a fight with my mom, about you. She was all ‘Meredith, I know you like girls but why can’t you date one your own age?’ and I kept telling her you were only a few years older but she didn’t like you anyway so your age wasn’t really the issue.’ Addison laughed. ‘Didn’t like me is an understatement.’ Meredith smiled. ‘True. Anyway that’s not the point. So I was angry because of that and then we were hanging out and you told me you were leaving in a few days to go home for a family thing and I was mad at you for that because I was a stupid whiney teenager.’ Addison laughed again. ‘That’s also an understatement.’ Meredith glared at her. ‘You went to the coffee shop across the street from your apartment and brought back juju and you said something funny about me being dramatic and then you’re room-mates cat ran in and knocked both cups to the floor and you started yelling. Then you may have gotten mad at me because I may or may not have said that maybe you were the one who need some good juju since you were mad at a cat and all.’ Addison smiled. ‘I do remember that actually. You left out the part were you were the one who let the cat into my bedroom.’ Meredith laughed. They fell into easy conversation about the past and the present when Meredith decided to ask Addison a slightly awkward question. ‘So, uh I hope this isn’t weird but how’s it going with Derek?’ Addison let out a nervous laugh. ‘We are not talking about Derek.’ Meredith looked at Addison. ‘I want you guys to work out. I love you and I miss you but I know why you’re doing this. I’m rooting for you so I’m just curious of how it’s going?’ Addison smiled softly and nodded. ‘It’s going…well? I don’t know. We’re working through it but it’s a process.’ Meredith nodded and then changed the subject of conversation to something they were both more comfortable with. They fell into easy conversation and Addison found herself asking Meredith to Joe’s for a drink when they got off work, as friends of course but it didn’t stop Meredith hoping there was more to it. She was genuinely hopeful for Derek and Addison but it didn’t change how she felt.


	5. Focus

‘Hey, I’m with you today.’ Meredith said, smiling as she approached Addison. ‘That’s great Dr Grey. Have you read the charts.’ Addison replied. ‘Not yet, I uh haven’t had the chance.’ Meredith said as she took some things from Addison, who looked like she was going to fall or drop everything she was carrying or both. ‘That’s unacceptable Dr Grey. I expect you to be prepared.’ Addison replied dryly. ‘Geez, Addie. Who rattled you?’ Meredith said, letting out a laugh as she did. ‘It’s Dr Montgomery-Shepherd.’ Addison stated. ‘Really?’ Meredith asked. ‘What’s going on Addison?’ Addison sighed and unlocked the door to her office. When both women were inside she closed to door and took a deep breath. ‘We can’t be friends and we can’t be more than friends. We need to be colleagues, only.’ Meredith shook her head in confusion. ‘We are friends, Addie. I don’t understand.’ Addison sighed. ‘Derek and I dealing with our issues and us being friends is a problem because I still have feelings for you and its confusing for me. I don’t know what I’m doing any more so we need to be professional at all times.’ Meredith nodded and let out a laugh. ‘I get it. You can’t help that you find me irresistible.’ Meredith laughed again. Addison smacked her arm playfully. ‘Mer, this is serious. I’m not playing around.’ Addison couldn’t help but laugh a little too. ‘What happened to Dr Grey?’ Meredith smiled. ‘She got annoying.’ Addison laughed. ‘You’re awful but I’m serious. Please understand, Mer?’ Meredith nodded. ‘Professional. I got it…I guess I’ll go read those charts.’ Meredith gave Addison a sad smile before leaving the room.

* * *

 

‘Hey, did you talk to Meredith?’ Derek asked as he approached Addison in the hallway. Addison nodded. ‘Yeah. I told you I would and I did.’ Addison replied, her voice sounding colder than she had intended. ‘Addie, it’s for the best. Our marriage is important and I don’t want you hanging around with your ex…it makes things difficult for us.’ Derek added, equally as cold. ‘What are we doing Derek? All we seem to do is argue about Meredith. Are you still in love with her? I know I still have feelings for her but I was fine with that, you’re the one who seems to have a problem. So, are you still in love with her?’ Addison asked. ‘Yes. I am still in love with Meredith. But she wants you. You are my wife and I love you and I want to fix our marriage but we are both in love with someone else so we can’t be around her if we want to fix us.’ Addison knew the answer to her question but she was shocked that Derek was honest about it. She nodded quickly. ‘Okay. I’m sorry. You’re right. Our marriage is our focus. I love you, Derek.’ Addison reached to hug Derek, he responded by wrapping his arms around her. ‘Oh, before I forget I have a surgery tonight so could you remember to pick up our dry cleaning? Your suit for this stupid prom is with it.’ Addison said as they pulled back from the hug. Derek nodded and kissed Addison gently. ‘Gotta run. Meeting with the Chief.’ Addison nodded as Derek walked quickly towards the elevator.

* * *

 

Addison and Derek were in the elevator together when the doors opened and Meredith stepped in, not noticing the other occupants of the elevator because her face was in a chart. When she looked up to press the button for her floor she groaned. ‘Oh, god.’ She sighed. She looked down and noticed their joined hands and sighed again. ‘Dr Grey, it’s nice to see you.’ Derek said. Meredith smiled awkwardly. ‘You too, Dr Shepherd.’ She nodded towards him. ‘Oh and you too, Dr Montgomery-Shepherd.’ Addison turned to her then and smiled awkwardly. ‘Thanks, have a great day.’ She said as Meredith left the elevator when it opened at a floor that was not the one she had planned on.


	6. Watching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is shorter than the rest...just to make it flow a little nicer into the final chapter :)

‘Seriously.’ Meredith mumbled to herself as she angrily pulled herself onto the gurney in the basement hallway. She didn’t talk to any of her friends, she just kept mumbling to herself. After a few minutes Cristina moved to sit with her. ‘What’s up with you?’ Meredith looked up at her and shook her head. Cristina raised an eyebrow. ‘I’ve only got 5 minutes Mer, so you better start talking.’ Meredith nodded and climbed off the bed and started pacing. ‘She keeps watching me. She’s driving me insane…she asked me to be professional and I’m really trying but I can’t stop thinking about her…and then she’s looking at me…really looking at me. It’s too much…I want her to stop. She can’t have it all her way, you know? She wants me to be professional, maybe she should try it too…I mean seriously…how can I-’ Meredith trailed of and started mumbling to herself again. ‘Mer, you need to breath.’ Meredith nodded and stopped her pacing and took a deep breath. ‘Is there any chance that this is all in your head? The watching, I mean? Maybe you want her to be watching you so your thinking that she is?’ Cristina asked quietly, Meredith shook her head. ‘No, she’s actually watching me. I don’t want it…I wish she’d stop because it’s making getting over her, trying not to love her impossible…I just want it to stop.’ Meredith whined. ‘Well maybe…and this might be a stretch but maybe she doesn’t want you to get over her? Maybe she doesn’t really want Derek and she’s not ready to say it…I don’t know. Talk to her. Tell her that she’s doing it and ask her to stop…it’s the only way you’ll get what you want.’ Meredith nodded and sighed deeply. ‘Why does it have to be so complicated?’ Meredith whined. ‘You really want me to answer that?’ Meredith glared at her. ‘Come on we have work to do.’ Cristina said as she walked off towards the stair well, laughing a little.


	7. This is it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter...I hope you enjoy it :)

Meredith was dancing with Alex. Addison was dancing with Derek. Addison was watching Meredith. It made Meredith uncomfortable so she excused herself and left the room. She didn’t know that Addison had followed her until they were alone in an exam room. ‘Addison, please go. Leave me alone.’ Meredith was taking deep breaths. ‘I just wanna make sure you’re alright.’ Addison placed her hands on the bed on the opposite side to Meredith. ‘NO! I’m not alright. You have a husband. I’m trying to deal with that, I’m trying not to have feelings for you. I’m being professional like you asked me too. I’m doing everything you want me too but then you’re looking at me. For days, weeks even you’ve been looking at me and watching me and I feel like I can’t breath with you looking at me like that. I need you to stop looking at me.’ Meredith was becoming more emotional by the second. ‘I’m not looking at you.’ Addison said as she stepped around the bed, Meredith matched her step by step trying to keep some distance between them. ‘You are looking at me. I’m really trying here. Trying to move on from you, trying to be happy but then you’re watching me and I can’t breath with you looking at me like that so just stop!’ Addison didn’t stop the tears that streamed down her face. ‘Do you think I wanna look at you? Don’t you think I’d rather be looking at my husband? He doesn’t drive me crazy. Make it impossible for me to feel normal. You slept with George…and I know that it was awful and a mistake for both of you but do you even understand how jealous I felt when I found out? And then there’s Derek, I couldn’t care less if he slept with half of the hospital Meredith. Do you know how insane that is? I can’t think straight any more…I would give anything to not be looking at you.’ Addison stepped up behind Meredith and waited for her to face her. When Meredith turned they stared at each other for a few seconds. Addison stepped forward and grabbed Meredith’s head in both of her hands before kissing her, Meredith responded by moving her arms up around Addison’s neck. They both moaned into each other’s mouths. Addison slipped her hand down Meredith’s back and unzipped her dress before pushing her up onto the edge of the bed. Meredith unzipped Addison’s dress and let it fall to the floor, Addison stepped out of it leaving her in only her panties. She trailed her kisses down Meredith’s neck and let her hands fall to Meredith’s waist and pulled up her dress and then slipped her panties down her legs. ‘You’re so beautiful.’ Addison whispered into Meredith’s neck. Meredith smiled and pulled Addison back to her lips briefly. She moaned as Addison kissed and sucked her way down the centre of her chest. She wrapped her legs around Addison’s waist and started to tease Addison’s nipples with both of her hands. Addison moaned into Meredith’s neck before slipping her hand between them and pushing her fingers into Meredith and letting her thumb work at her clit harshly. Meredith pulled Addison’s head back to her mouth and kissed her again. Addison pulled her head back and took in Meredith’s face, she was flushed and her eyes were darkened and a little hazy. Meredith moved one of her hands to hold Addison’s in place as she started to clench around Addison’s fingers. It didn’t take long for Meredith to reach her high, she had to bite down on Addison’s shoulder to quieten her moan of Addison’s name. She kept Addison’s hand in place for a moment while she regained her breath and then she pulled Addison’s fingers into her mouth. After a moment Addison pulled her hand away from Meredith’s mouth and kissed her. Meredith slipped off the bed and turned them both so that Addison was sitting on the edge, she wasted no time and began to kiss and suck her way down Addison’s body, letting out little moans as she did. When she reached her wetness she settled on her knees with Addison’s legs over her shoulders, she pulled Addison’s panties down her legs and tossed them to the side. She felt Addison squirm beneath her as she licked slowly at her clit. Addison’s hands moved to hold Meredith’s head in place. When Meredith thought Addison was almost at the edge she slipped 3 fingers inside her and curled them against her for a few moments. She slowed her movements when Addison reached her high. After a moment or two she slowly moved to her feet and kissed her way back up to Addison’s lips. Her fingers still working inside Addison and her thumb working expertly around Addison’s clit. Addison moaned into Meredith’s ear as Meredith kissed and sucked at her neck, in a way that was bound to leave a mark, both women were to preoccupied to think about that. Addison was panting heavily and pulled Meredith to her mouth to muffle the loud moan that she let out. After a minute they moved away from each other and started to put their clothes back on. ‘What does this mean?’ Meredith asked. Addison shook her head. ‘Do you see my panties?’ She asked, ignoring Meredith’s question. Meredith crossed the room and picked them up before handing them to Addison, who struggled to put them on under her dress so she held onto Meredith for support. ‘Addie, what does it mean for us?’ Meredith asked as tears filled her eyes, she held tightly to Addison’s wrist as she tried to walk away. ‘I don’t know. I, uh. I need to talk to Derek. I left him out there.’ Meredith sighed. ‘Wait.’ She rushed forward and brushed her fingers through Addison’s hair to smooth it out a little before reaching behind Addison to fix the zipper on her dress. ‘Turn around.’ Addison whispered through her tears. Meredith did as she said and Addison tied up the back of her dress. When they turned around they were faced with the one person neither of them were prepared for. Derek Shepherd. ‘Derek, I-’ Addison started. ‘Don’t’ Derek said cutting her off. She turned to Meredith. ‘Go.’ Addison whispered. ‘Addie -’ Addison sighed. ‘Meredith, please.’ Meredith nodded and walked out of the room. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes until finally Derek broke the silence. ‘Our marriage was over long before Mark and me leaving New York.’ He stated matter of factly. ‘Yes.’ Addison said quietly. ‘But that doesn’t make this okay.’ He replied. ‘I know. I’m sorry, Derek. I didn’t want to hurt you. I really didn’t.’ Derek let out a breathy laugh. ‘I’m not hurting because of you…that’s the worst part. I don’t care that you had sex with Meredith, I care that she had sex with you. That’s how I know our marriage is really over Addison.’ Addison nodded. Derek stepped towards her and kissed her. It wasn’t like any other kiss they’d shared. It was goodbye. It was sad and desperate and both of them were crying but when they parted they smiled at each other. ‘This is it.’ Derek said quietly. ‘Yeah, I guess it is.’ They both smiled sadly at each other before leaving the room and going their separate ways.

* * *

 

Addison made her way to her office, not really wanting to deal with everyone at prom any more. She opened the door and saw Meredith curled up in her chair crying. She instantly moved over to her and moved the chair so that she could lean against the desk in front of her. ‘Hey, hey. It's okay, talk to me, babe.’ Addison whispered as she rubbed Meredith’s back. ‘I screwed up. We screwed up and now Derek probably hates both of us…I’m so sorry.’ Addison pulled Meredith into her arms as she saw Meredith’s tears. ‘It’s okay. I got you. Derek doesn’t hate us I promise…well at least not you.’ She whispered and let out a quiet laugh. Meredith pulled back a little and whispered. ‘How’d it go? I’m sorry, Addie. I should have stopped us. I should have stopped.’ Addison shook her head. ‘I should have stopped it but I wanted it. I want you, Meredith. Derek and I are getting divorced. For real this time.’ Meredith wiped her tears. ‘Really? I, uh…I probably shouldn’t sound so happy about that.’ Addison laughed. ‘Yeah. Really. It’s okay to be happy Meredith. Derek and I were over a long time ago…way before he left me. It’s not on you or on us really…it was a long time coming. I’m sorry I hurt you so much by not realising that sooner.’ Meredith nodded and pressed her lips against Addison’s gently. Addison stood up and sat down on her chair and pulled Meredith into her lap, were they sat quietly for a little while. ‘Do you happen to know somewhere I could crash tonight.’ Addison asked a few minutes later. ‘Oh, I know somewhere you can crash any night.’ Meredith smiled. ‘Oh really?’ Addison turned to look at Meredith and raised an eyebrow. ‘Yeah.’ Meredith nodded. Addison smiled at her before nodding. ‘I love you, you know that right? And this won’t be easy for us but I’m in this.’ Addison said. ‘I know. I love you too. I know, it’ll be difficult but…we’ll make it work. We have too because we have spent enough time apart so…we’ll make it work.’ Meredith replied as she reached a hand up to cup Addison’s cheek. Addison nodded. ‘We’ll make it work.’ She repeated before pressing her lips to Meredith’s gently.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it :) Please leave a comment.


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